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New Year's Resolutions for Pets
New Year's Resolutions for Pets 1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt. 2. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 3. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows. 4. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around. 5. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my butt. 7. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 8. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year. 9. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 10. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND. |
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